St. Joseph and the virtue of manhood

Being a man is a profound calling to love

Homily preached by the Rev. Jonathan A. Mitchican at St. John XXIII College Preparatory in Katy, TX on Wednesday, March 19, 2025 - Solemnity of Saint Joseph

(Matthew 1:16, 18-21, 24a)

[Note: This homily discusses things that I write about in much greater depth here.]

What does it mean to be a man? We don’t quite have an answer to this question in our culture today, and men are experiencing a crisis because of it. Men today are less likely to go to college than a generation ago. They’re also more likely to be out of work, more likely to be incarcerated, more likely to be depressed or suicidal, and more likely to be poor throughout their lives than their female counterparts. The gains made for equality of women in the last fifty years haven’t been accompanied by any new understanding of manhood. And so men don’t know how to be men.

Today is our Loreto House Mass. The house saint for Loreto is Saint Joseph, the foster father of our Lord, and his feast day is today. Of all our House saints, he’s the only one whose feast day is a “solemnity,” which is the highest and most important kind of feast. That’s why we had multiple readings today, why we sang the Gloria, and why we will recite the Apostles’ Creed in just a few minutes. So Saint Joseph is a big deal. But why? He’s the foster father of Jesus, but he’s not related to him by blood. He never speaks in the Bible, and once Jesus reaches adulthood, we never hear about him again. So why make such a big deal of him? Because he plays an important part in the life of Jesus, and because when we look at him, we learn what a man is supposed to be.

Joseph was a carpenter, a working man. He was betrothed to Mary, but then he received the shocking news that Mary is pregnant. He knows the baby isn’t his, so he assumes what anyone would assume, that Mary has cheated on him. He plans to put her away quietly, so that the scandal won’t hurt her as much. But then he has a dream in which the angel of the Lord tells him that the child in Mary’s womb is special, that He’s the Son of God conceived by the Holy Spirit, and that Joseph is being called to name the boy Jesus and raise Him as his own. And that’s exactly what he does. He stays with Mary, raising her son as his own, teaching Him his trade, and making sure that they have a home and a life.

Because our culture doesn’t have a clear picture of what it means to be a man, a lot of grifters have stepped up to fill in the gap, peddling their own versions of manhood through social media and pop culture. They’ll tell you that a man is supposed to be a dominant force. He’s supposed to be able to intimidate other men, and to impress women by belittling them and talking down to them. He has no emotions, except for anger and lust. He thinks everything is a joke, except his own power. I’ve even heard one of these grifters refer to the ideal man as a “disciplined monster.” He may or may not hurt you, but he’s always dangerous.

This version of manhood is self-centered, cartoonish, and frankly kind of boring. Does anybody really want to be that guy? Does he sound like the hero of the story? He sounds to me more like the villain, always fighting to try to get his way and perpetually unhappy.

Our faith offers us a much better way of being a man. In his Theology of the Body, Pope Saint John Paul II argues that men and women need each other, that we’re incomplete without being partners with one another. Genesis tells us that male and female were made together, both in the image and likeness of God. There’s no one way to be a man, just like there’s no one way to be a woman. Nevertheless, we see over and over again that the men of the Bible who stand out, the men who are regarded as heroes, as truly good men, are the men who are willing to love sacrificially. Jesus is the ultimate example of that. He lives out His manhood on the cross when He sacrifices Himself for the sake of His Bride, the Church.

Saint Joseph is one of the greatest examples in the Bible of what manhood looks like. He’s strong, but not violent or scary. He always shows kindness and compassion. Even when he thought that he’d been terribly wronged, his first thought with Mary wasn’t how can I get revenge or how can I make her feel bad for what she’s done to me but rather how can I ensure she isn’t harmed by the scandal. And then, when God called Joseph to support Mary and to act as a foster father for her child, he accepted the calling, despite knowing that it would be a hardship and that others would likely think badly about him because of it. Joseph isn’t a flashy character. He doesn’t impose his will on others. But quietly and confidently, he gives of himself, day after day, to care for his family. He makes me think of the many men I’ve known who’ve been like him, men who always tried to do what was right regardless of what it cost them. You want to be a real man? Practice humility. Cultivate virtue. Show love. These are the traits of true manhood.

Of course, you don’t have to be a man to exhibit these traits. Women can learn from Joseph, just like men can learn from his wife. But if you’re looking for a man to pattern yourself after, you couldn’t do much better than Saint Joseph. Like Jesus, he shows us that true manhood requires true love. Accept nothing less.